Philippine News and Entertainment

This post is divided into two parts… so first, the ugly:

So tama nga ang hinala kong half-man, half-something ang costume ni Victor Neri. The original seamstress who made this old version (with sapatos for hooves) was hopefully fired (hindi kaya, mananahi ni Regine?):

I feel bad for Victor Neri. The bad guy should be really cool diba? They’ve made him look so ridiculous, Lizardo isn’t scary at all.

Anyhow, it is no surprise then that Eden will indeed die when Lizardo empregnates her because Lizardo is literally hung like a horse. Hahaha. Forgive me, I just had to put that in there.

For this episode, as usual we got some of the lapses in logic we have all grown to love about Panday, namely:

1) The gay boy is in love and gifted with super-speed and super-smell. After Tristan heads off on his own on horseback across the desert and into the forest, the gay boy again catches up to him while Tristan is sleeping on a rock. My theory is (aside from running fast) malakas ang sense-of-smell nitong batang ‘to. Naamoy niya lagi kung nasaan si Tristan.

Gay Boy, on a lazy stroll, finds Tristan

And 2) Tristan is unbelievably lucky. After being brought back to life by the very person he refused to love, not knowing where to go, he just sleeps on a rock and voila — he’s in the town that he was looking for. Napaka-effortless talaga.

I was about to write something about how stupid all of this was, but then, from out of the blue… Derek Ramsey makes his grand entrance with face-paint and Wolverine-claws:

OMG – I was so not disappointed. Puwede siya na lang ang Panday? Derek did more for this show in his fifteen seconds of airtime, than all the episodes of Book One combined. Drool.


All is forgiven (hahaha), even the fact that Tristan’s hair grew 3-inches overnight. Just don’t screw up the Derek Ramsey scenes. Although now that I’ve said that, why do I have a funny feeling that Book Two will be as bad as Book One? They had a short promo of Book Two in the end — which is the same thing they did to promote the entire series. We’ll have a verdict next week — must… keep… expectations… low…

I’ve been waiting for Derek Ramsey for one long and grueling month — and now he’s finally here! It’s now all so worth it.

Why, Lord? Bakit ako? What did I do to deserve this? Hindi ko na kaya. Please lang. Ubusin mo na ang budget nila para matapos na.

As I predicted yesterday, Tristan chooses to go back to Sta. Elena to save the lepers. Everyone is crying hysterically over their dead townmates, but then when Tristan arrives, they all stop crying and Florentina asks, “Paano si Eden?” Wow. They all run to the lake and Tristan brings out his snake.

Everyone jumps into the water and are cured. Tristan now goes to Lizardo’s cave to kill him. Wait-wait-wait! I just realized that Tristan knew where Lizardo’s lair was all this time — so how come he went hysterical (a couple of episodes ago), shouting — “Hindi ko alam kung saan ang asawa ko Utoy!”

Tristan fights the third dead man, chops off the dead man’s head but is killed by the dead man! Yes! Finally. My elation however was quickly snuffed, as Victor Neri entered the frame in this ridiculous costume:

Bakit may sapatos? I think they wanted him to look like Pan and the black shoes were supposed to be hooves.

Victor Neri’s Grand Entrance

Anyway, everyone got their turn crying over Tristan:

Eden and her husband

Florentina and her unrequited love

The Gay Boy and his boyfriend

So now that Tristan is dead he has to be brought back to life. Florentina volunteers to sacrifice her life for him. How? By waiting for lightning to strike both she and Tristan on the last night of lightning.

What I find irritating is the inane dialogue that accompanies all this, specially the “Kawawa naman si Tristan. Miss na miss na niya ang asawa niya.” Nyek. Ang suwerte-suwerte nga niya ano?

Closing prayer: Diyos, ko. Salamat na may nagbabasa pa rin ng blog ko kahit napaka-panget ng Panday. Sinadya mo yon diba? Na panget ang Panday para may masulat ako dito at basahin ng mga fans ng Pinoy Rickey at matuwa naman sila?

Nahanap na uli ni Tristan ang bakunawa.

The problem with how the writers have structured Panday is that Tristan is able solve his problems not by skill or any unique aspect of his character, but simply by pure luck. I just reflected on what I just saw, and realized how stupid everything was.

So one of the dead men transforms himself into a half-naked sexy girl to get close to Tristan. However, instead of killing him in his sleep, he/she kisses him then runs away. He/she runs into the forest and Tristan follows him/her. And then by chance, he/she stands near a big tree, which swallows him/her against his/her will into a new area in the Panday world — parang swallowed by the sand in to the cave effect a couple of episodes back. He/she then walks around a bit and finds a baul with the bakunawa logo. Hay naku. Bakit ganito? Ang bobobo ng writer nila. Anyway, Tristan is still walking in the forest — looking for the bakunawa. He shouts: “Bakunawa!” And murmurs: “Bakunawa, bakunawa, bakunawa”. Then he stops and thinks: “Nasaan ka na bakunawa?” and finally uses his super hearing. May narinig siya and heads for that direction. Hay. Bakit ang tanga tanga nila? By chance, Tristan gets sleepy and sleeps by the same tree the dead man/half-naked-girl got swallowed into. After taking his nap, Tristan stands up and then of course gets swallowed by the tree against his will into another area in the Panday world.

Meanwhile the dead man/half-naked-girl gets “tested” by the bakunawa which is the lamest test ever. Some dead soldiers from the past come to confront the dead man/half-naked-girl. His/her eyes glow yellow and then gives a speech. The soldiers fall dead. Hahaha. He/she passed the test. The baul opens to reveal the bakunawa. Wait-wait-wait! Stop everything. Paano nakapasok ang bakunawa sa baul? The last time it made an appearance, it was flying and free. Bakit ang tanga ninyo? And so, the dead man/half-naked-girl grabs the bakunawa, ties it to a pole, but before he/she can kill it, Tristan shouts. Of course because he/she is an idiot the dead man/half-naked-girl doesn’t kill the bakunawa but instead tries to kill Tristan (who he/she had a chance to kill earlier). Tristan predictably wins again, and finds the teleporter tree which now works without struggling and goes the other way. Sigh.

And then, two roads divered in the wood, and I, I took the one less travelled by. The episode ends with Tristan confronted with two roads. He’s supposed to choose between healing the lepers of Sta. Elena with the bakunawa or using the bakunawa to kill-Lizardo-save-his-wife-and-go-home. Nakakasar talaga because it’s such a non-choice and he is obviously going to go to Sta. Elena and heal the lepers. Because we know that Tristan is the luckiest man in the world, he will get to bake his cake and eat it. Ang panget ng Panday!

Mga kaisip, ayoko na. Sabihin niyo na lang sa akin kung lumabas na si Derek Ramsey (so I can tape it). I cannot watch this sorry excuse for a show every day anymore. I honestly feel na nababawasan ang brain cells ko by just watching this. You know what’s scary? I can now understand how steph and co. are thinking. Pang-bobo lang talaga ang Panday — you’ll have to think like them in order to like it. Kaya pala ganoon ka lakas ang depensa nila dito. It is the show they deserve.