Philippine News and Entertainment

Ang walang kamatayang cellphone ng Panday. Apparently, the cellphone is an integral plot device to the entire story — who knew? It also has unlimited charge.

Tristan chose to bring his cellphone, over let’s say, food, while traveling to find the Bakunawa. He did say that they were traveling for a “couple of days” when they were abducted by Ian de Leon and the leprosy gang. It was a wise choice of course since apparently nobody goes hungry in the world of Panday and the cellphone was a useful tool in warding off Shrek-looking ogres.

The cellphone was also so beautiful that Lizardo’s henchman couldn’t resist but steal it from the sleeping ogre and bring it to Lizardo as a gift — which he rejected because he wanted the Bakunawa — oo nga naman, Bakunawa yung hinahanap niya, binigyan mo siya ng cellphone, tange! — ano naman ang gagawin ni Lizardo sa cellphone? And I’m sorry I asked because I just know the Panday people are going to find a way to put that in there somewhere.

Eden then asked one of the dancing slaves (I kid you not, all they do is dance all day) to give her the cellphone, and the slave stupidly gives it to her. So the prisoner can ask for anything she wants is that it? Eden looks at the cellphone which still has a charge after all this time — nag-training na si Tristan and all, take note, and it was ringing non-stop until Pinoy Shrek fell asleep, unless of course, Pinoy Shrek knew how to turn it off to conserve battery. I was waiting for the phone to have a “secret message” for Eden to make the ridiculousness of it all complete, but it didn’t happen. Siguro Eden will use it as a weapon in a future, or, she’ll use it as a signal — since Tristan can’t hear her voice for some reason, baka marinig niya yung ring. Like Ipe, I am now 100% certain the cellphone will return again.

This episode starts as usual with gaps in logic I have come to expect from Panday. So Tristan sets off into the desert on Diego’s horse to look for the Bakunawa — he doesn’t know where he’s going, but he’s just going. Miraculously, the gay boy is able to catch up to him on foot. So its either the gay boy is gifted with superspeed, or the horse is really really slow. I believe that the gay boy is just madly in love with Tristan, since the power of love can make one do incredible things. It’s the only logical reason right? And it’s so obvious that the boy is in love.

Anyway, Tristan lets the gay boy ride on his horse, but then decides to put him down again, so the gay boy can walk home. This of course is a convenient way for the butterfly men to make an appearance.

Butterfly men abduct the gay boy

I was actually happy with the butterfly men graphics and I thought, finally a decent sequence. Unfortunately, this was quickly followed with an appearance by the Pinoy Shrek. Nyeh! More on this in a bit…

So the butterfly men bring the gay boy down a long tunnel under the desert into some caves. The boy wanders a bit and finds the garden of the Bakunawa, which was exactly what he and Tristan were looking for. He then runs, cut sequence, a flash of light, and a miracle! He is now back in the desert outside! He then calls to Tristan that he has found the garden. Tristan asks where, and the gay boy points to an unknown spot on the ground and says, talon! (jump!) So they both jump, a flash of light, cut and they are now in the cave. Syet. This is like a double suspension of disbelief because apparently, the gay boy ran back with superspeed through that long tunnel that he first came into, and then goes back the same way with Tristan, except this time they safely fell in. Watch clip. This of course is NOTHING compared to what follows.

And so there is an ogre-like creature living in the caves which looks like Shrek. It likes to throw rocks and is supposedly angry. Tristan and his gay boy try to hide, but then Pinoy Shrek abducts the gay boy. And then in the darkness, another miracle… Tristan’s cellphone rings! Hahahaha.

We are now asked by the producers of Panday to accept that a ringing cellphone is enough to baffle the angry ogre to drop the gay boy so he and Tristan can run to safety. At this point I just have to shake my head and laugh. So the only purpose of the cellphone which traveled with Tristan when he was consumed by the fires of the flaming comic book, was for this point in the story where he leaves it on the ground for Pinoy Shrek to pick up. Utang na loob. Is this real? Who green-lighted this story?

The cellphone rings!

I think I’ve finally gotten what Panday is all about. It’s a comedy. This episode was a classic.

At least Panday is consistent. Everything about it is so mediocre, I might never run out of material to blog about. However, I was thinking that I should just stop watching, and this will be my last post, until something more heinous comes up. Ipe did not show up after his hand through the painting cameo, which sucked because I was looking forward to seeing him make a fool of himself again. So there’s nothing left for me to look forward to now, except for Derek Ramsey — who’s probably not going to appear anytime soon — and even that I believe will be disappointing. Sayang ang Panday. It was a well-established franchise. This version however, is pure garbage.

For example (hahaha, sabi ko sa inyo, ang dami kong material): Supposedly, Sto. Sepulcro is this old Philippine town where people dress in old style clothes and speak in deep Tagalog (malalim na Tagalog). In this scene, the gay boy who trails Tristan around, tells him that he should control his emotions because that is how Lizardo will defeat him. According to my English-Tagalog dictionary, it should be something like this: Tristan, pigilan mo ang iyong damdamin.

The stupid scriptwriter of Panday however does not have a dictionary handy and instead does this:

Gay Boy: Minsan ka nang natalo ni Lizardo, Tristan, dahil hindi mo kayang kontrolin ang sarili mo.

Kontrolin? Isn’t that a transformed English word (and idea) that these folk probably don’t use? There were two instances in the same episode where Tristan and Eden spoke English words that locals did not understand. So where did the gay boy learn the word “control”? (Here’s the entire video)